I don’t often write about these kinds of topics. But if you are near or in retirement, as I am, you know you are in the final third or quarter of your life. If you trust Jesus’ atoning death and resurrection for your salvation, you already have a ticket to heaven; it just hasn’t been punched yet.
I have lost four friends in almost as many months and have been to three of the four memorial services. As I have listened to the stories and tributes to those who have gone on to be with Jesus, I couldn’t help but have this thought:
”What will they say about me when I’m gone?”
I imagine I’m not the only one who asks themselves that question. It’s just not something we talk about, perhaps for a couple of reasons.
Why do we avoid the question?
First, we just don’t like to think about dying or someone talking about us at our memorial or celebration of life service. It makes us uncomfortable. However, the Bible has much to say about such events and their inevitability (Job 14:5)—sometimes in the form of a sober warning (Heb. 9:27) and at other times to offer us hope and encouragement (John 11:25-26, Rev. 20:6). Instead of ignoring the subject, Scripture encourages us to think about it and ”lay it to heart”:
It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart (Eccl. 7:2, ESV).
Another reason we don’t like to discuss this is that it seems blatantly prideful and self-centered. After all, from a purely biblical perspective, we shouldn’t value our reputation; we should boast only in what God has done in and through us:
Therefore, as it is written, “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord” (1 Cor. 1:31, ESV).
But perhaps there’s a way we can be rightly concerned that brings glory and honor to God and not to us.
Caring about reputation—the right way
We must recognize that we are mere earthen vessels and that God deserves all the glory for any good in us or our deeds. We must want Him to receive all the glory.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us (2 Cor. 4:7, ESV).
We are just pottery jars, and as we submit ourselves to our Maker, He fashions us into objects of beauty.
To grant to those who mourn in Zion—to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified (Isa. 61:3, ESV).
So perhaps it’s possible to care what others might say or think about you for the right reasons.
I don’t see anywhere in the Bible that it teaches that we should be totally indifferent to others’ perceptions or opinions of us. Nor does it suggest that it should be our primary concern. Instead, it calls us to be more concerned about pleasing God than men (Gal. 1:10).
Therefore, if we seek the approval of others as our primary motivation, we have created an idol. But that doesn’t mean we should have no interest or concern whatsoever.
If we aim to obey and please God and to glorify Him in how we live our lives, and God cares how we represent Him to the world (Col. 4:5-6), then caring about what others think or say, for the right reasons, can actually honor Him. It’s not about superficial people-pleasing; it’s about love of God and neighbor.
So yes, it’s okay to care what others think of you, not because you need their praise, but because you want them to see Christ in you (Col. 1:27).
A word from Warren Buffett
This may seem like an odd interjection here, but please stay with me.
Like many people in business, personal finance, and investing, I am interested in Warren Buffett and his company. I recently read that Mr. Buffett is stepping down as CEO of Berkshire Hathaway.
He is one of the most successful investors of all time and is often quoted for that reason. There’s one quote that I found particularly meaningful, which he said to a group of students at Georgia Tech when they asked him about his definition of success:
Basically, when you get to my age, you’ll really measure your success in life by how many of the people you want to have love you actually do love you.
I know many people who have a lot of money, and they get testimonial dinners, and they get hospital wings named after them. But the truth is that nobody in the world loves them.
That’s the ultimate test of how you have lived your life. The trouble with love is that you can’t buy it. You can buy sex. You can buy testimonial dinners. But the only way to get love is to be lovable. It’s very irritating if you have a lot of money. You’d like to think you could write a check: I’ll buy a million dollars’ worth of love. But it doesn’t work that way. The more you give love away, the more you get.
The first thing that struck me was that this multi-billionaire said that the most important lesson and “the ultimate test” of a life well-lived has nothing to do with money and can’t be bought with it. That’s refreshing but also a little surprising. And so too was his belief that loving others and being loved by those you want to love you were more important.
Warren Buffett is 94 years old and knows a thing or two. He’s also one of the wealthiest people in the world and lives what he preaches regarding philanthropy.
From what I can learn, he is not a professing Christian. He has said that he was raised in a Presbyterian family and now characterizes himself as an agnostic. He once said, ”The nice thing about an agnostic is you don’t think anybody is wrong.” (That seems problematic. If you don’t think anybody is wrong, everyone must be right, which logically can’t be. That’s not the most sound reasoning by a brilliant, logical businessman, if you ask me.)
Despite his upbringing, since investing is about logic, facts, and figures, his position on religion and God doesn’t surprise me. He seems not to want to be bothered by whether God exists or questions of faith and eternity.
I suppose that, when Warren Buffett passes away, many at his memorial service will say that he “loved others well.” And that’s probably true in an earthly sense. But the fact that he does not love the Savior won’t be brought up, at least not publicly. My prayer is that God would open his heart to the truth of the gospel so that he might love and be loved by the greatest love the world has ever known: the love of Jesus Christ.
The better question
With all that said, I want to return to my original question: “What will they say when I’m gone?”
The first thing to note is that it’s probably the wrong question, or at least not the most important one. The most important question is this: “What will God say to me at His throne of Judgement?” Will it be “depart from me, I never knew you,” or “Enter now into the joy of your Lord.”
In other words, will I stay or will I go? (You may remember The Clash song by a similar name.)
That is the most critical question because it has eternal significance. I knew the individuals whose memorial services I attended over the last few months and how each had suffered from illness and disease in their later years. But in every case, the officiating pastor said something similar to this:
”Their suffering on this earth is over, and they are now joyfully worshiping in the presence of their Savior, Jesus Christ. And they anticipate the wonderful day when their spirit will be reunited with their resurrected bodies and they will dwell in the new heaven and new earth forever.“
That could be said of them because they were not agnostics. They believed in God and trusted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. That is the best thing that can be said of us when we’ve departed this earth and entered eternity.
What I (we?) hope they’ll say
But, there are other things we may hope could be said of us, especially by our family and friends. And as already discussed, such thoughts may appear on the surface to be selfish or prideful. But that may not be the case if our primary motivation is to leave a godly legacy and to be remembered for how our lives honored and glorified God and pointed others to Christ, not just by our families and friends but also those we knew who did not know Jesus.
But if they do, we must remember that even the slightest evidence of these things in our lives is all because of God’s mercy and grace.
He (or she) loved and worshiped Jesus and trusted Him as his (or her) Savior.
This is the most important thing, by far. If we don’t get this right, not much else matters. Even if everyone we ever met “loves” us, and we have great worldly success, we are lost without the salvation only found in Christ.
For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? (Mark 8:36, ESV).
He (or she) lived what they believed.
Integrity and authenticity are rare these days. One of the best things that can be said of a Christian at the end of our life is not that we were successful, smart, funny, or talented, but that we “walked the talk.” In other words, we didn’t just profess certain beliefs and values; we lived them out, imperfectly, but we made every effort to walk out our salvation with the grace that God supplied.
What can be particularly impactful is when we do that in the mundane, everyday times of life and the most trying and difficult seasons.
Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven (Matthew 5:16, ESV).
He (or she) was a church man (or woman).
At one of the memorials I attended, the pastor, speaking of the deceased, said, “If you know me, you know how important I think the local church is. And (she, the deceased) was a churchwoman.” He recounted how she had served in the church and how faithful she was to be there on Sunday morning for as long as possible.
Not every Christian would necessarily agree with this, but many would agree that faithful involvement and service in a local church are foundational to a healthy Christian life.
Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near (Heb. 10:25, ESV).
He (or she) finished strong.
In that same memorial service I recently attended, the pastor mentioned several times how the deceased had ”persevered” to the end despite significant difficulty throughout her life and significant physical suffering during her later years. Perseverance was a common theme.
Finishing strong doesn’t mean having perfect health or wealth. It means staying faithful and holding fast to the gospel, even when our strength fades, which it eventually will for all of us.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith (2 Tim. 4:7, ESV).
He (or she) loved and cared for others, especially those less fortunate than himself (or herself).
Love for God and the love for others, especially those less fortunate, that flows from it are central to the Christian faith and should be the hallmark of a Christian’s life. At the end of life, people won’t remember our achievements as much as how we loved and cared for them. Love for others is the best measure of a faithful life.
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets (Matt. 22:37-40, ESV).
He (or she) pointed people to Jesus.
The highest legacy any Christian can leave is a life that helps others see and follow Jesus. If, when you’re gone, people know Christ better because of you, because they recognized the transformative work of His Holy Spirit in you and how it affected your relationships with others, your life has been eternally fruitful.
And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image, from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the spirit (2 Cor. 3:18, ESV).
He (or she) lived—and encouraged others to live—loving, wise, and generous lives.
A life well-lived multiplies its impact. This occurs when our lives can be an example to others through mentoring and discipleship. I want to be generous, and I want to encourage others to be as well. I describe retirement stewardship as using our time, talents, and treasure for the good of others. By mentoring and discipling others, while modeling faithfulness and integrity, we can help and encourage others to live more faithfully.
What you have heard from me… entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also” (2 Tim. 2:2, ESV).
He (or she) had a sense of humor.
This one is actually pretty important. It doesn’t necessarily mean you were a “funny” person. I think I’m funny, but my wife says I’m not as funny as I think. But being funny isn’t what I’m talking about here. I’m referring to seeing the irony in life and finding humor and joy amid even difficult situations. It also means being able to laugh at yourself and not getting offended when others have a good laugh at your expense.
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones (Prov. 17:22, ESV).
A life that still speaks
The Bible clearly states that every believer, including older Christians, has a vital role to play, whether through evangelizing, mentoring, discipling, volunteering, caregiving, or simply offering encouragement and prayer.
And when that day comes—when your work here is done and you go home to the Lord—those who knew you will grieve, but not without hope. Because your memory will still speak of the glory of Christ, they will also speak of you as one who was faithful to the end.